So you wanna be on top? Or bottom? Or maybe you’ve been doing one and want to try the other. First off: hot. Second, let’s talk about what might be holding you back. Because spoiler, it’s probably not just your body, it’s your brain too.
Mental Barriers: What’s Going on Up There?
Whether you’re a virgin, a veteran, or somewhere in between, there’s no shame in having mental blocks around sex positions, especially when it comes to topping or bottoming.
Common mental roadblocks:
- “I don’t know what I’m doing” (psst… nobody really does at first)
- “It’ll hurt” (not if you’re doing it right)
- “I won’t look sexy doing it” (you will, trust us)
- “It’s not who I usually am” (okay… but why not try?)
A lot of us carry shame, fear, or rigid labels into the bedroom, especially if we weren’t raised with affirming, queer inclusive sex education. Being a bottom doesn’t make you submissive. Being a top doesn’t make you a dom. Roles don’t equal personality. Sex isn’t performance.
Give yourself permission to explore. Try it. I hate it. Try it again later. You don’t have to be good at it, you just have to be honest.
Physical Prep: Your Bodies
Okay, now let’s get physical. Topping and bottoming both come with real physical considerations that no amount of dirty talk can override.
Bottoming?
Prep is key.
- Hydration, hygiene, patience, lube, and foreplay make up the bottoming toolkit
- Start small, go slow, communicate
- If it hurts, stop. Pain is not a requirement
Topping?
- It’s not just insert tab A into slot B.
- Positioning, rhythm, and paying attention to your partner’s body all matter
- Lube isn’t optional, it’s essential
- Communication is required. Enthusiasm is encouraged
And for both roles, flexibility, core strength, and knowing your angles can go a long way. Yes, we’re talking squats. Yes, we’re sorry.
PrEP, Doxy, and Getting Checked
Sex is fun. Getting tested is sexy. Being protected is hot.
Whether you’re topping, bottoming, or doing a little of both, make sure your game plan includes:
- PrEP: Daily pill, every-2-month injections, or the new FDA-approved twice-a-year shot. Protection that fits your life.
- Doxy PEP: A post-exposure antibiotic that helps prevent STIs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis when taken after sex
- Routine STI testing: Know your status, treat what’s treatable, and stop letting your nerves hold you back
All of these services and more are available at Central Outreach. Walk in, talk it out, and get what you need without judgment, eye rolls, or awkward silence.
You’re Allowed to Evolve
Your sexual roles don’t define you; they just describe how you feel right now. That can (and will) change. What matters most is being safe, communicative, and open to whatever makes you feel good in your body.
Try something new. Revisit something old. And remember, your clinic’s got your back and your front. Visit any of our six locations.
