The holidays bring a mix of celebration, connection, and tradition, but they can also amplify stress for LGBTQIA+ people (us) navigating complex family dynamics. Whether you’re fully out, partially out, or not out yet, this season can come with pressure, anxiety, and difficult conversations.
Below is a guide to protecting your peace, honoring your identity, and caring for your mental health during the holiday season.
You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Identity
Coming out is deeply personal and entirely on your terms. No holiday gathering creates an obligation to disclose more than you want to.
If you’re not out, or not out to certain family members, remember:
- You can keep your boundaries simple and firm:
- “I’d prefer not to talk about that today.”
- YOUR Safety—emotional and physical—comes first.
- It’s okay to redirect conversations or step away.
If you’re out, but still navigating acceptance:
- Affirm yourself before you arrive.
- Lean on supportive friends or chosen family before and after events.
- Practice self-compassion—family acceptance is often slow and imperfect.
Your identity is valid, no matter how others respond.
Set Clear Boundaries Before You Go
Boundaries are not rude, they’re healthy. Preparing them ahead of time helps reduce stress and gives you a plan when conversations get uncomfortable. Boundaries are not negotiations. They are directions for respectful interaction.
Healthy boundary examples include:
- “Please use [your pronouns] while I’m here.”
- “I’m not discussing relationships or gender today.”
- “If things get disrespectful, I’ll take a break.”
Create a Personal Coping Toolkit
Even with boundaries, family gatherings can be draining. Building a small coping strategy ahead of time can help you stay grounded.
Try:
- Deep-breathing or grounding exercises
- Stepping outside for a reset
- Keeping a playlist or calming apps handy
- Journaling before or after events
- Scheduling time with a therapist or trusted friend
And remember: it is absolutely okay to leave early if you need to.
Lean on Your Chosen Family
We have long created beautiful, meaningful traditions outside of the biological family. If the holidays are hard, reconnect with the people who celebrate you exactly as you are. You deserve joy during this season, in whatever form it comes.
Ways to bring chosen family into your holiday season:
- Friendsgiving or holiday dinners
- Virtual meetups
- Game nights or gift swaps
- Community events
- Volunteering together
Affirm Your Mental & Sexual Health
Holiday stress impacts more than mood; it can disrupt sleep, coping behaviors, and even routine sexual health habits. Prioritizing your body and mind is an act of self-love. We offer affirming care year-round, including mental health services, STI testing, PrEP/PEP, DOXY-PEP, and gender-affirming care.
Remember to:
- Stay consistent with PrEP, ART, or other meds
- Schedule testing before or after travel
- Keep mental health appointments
- Reach out if you’re struggling
Have an Exit Strategy (Just in Case)
If things become unsafe or emotionally harmful, you’re allowed to leave. Planning ahead helps you feel more in control. Leaving a harmful situation is strength, not failure.
Useful exit strategies:
- Drive yourself or keep rideshare apps ready
- Have a “support buddy” you can call
- Recognize your personal red flags, misgendering, slurs, and boundary violations
Give Yourself Grace
Holiday expectations can feel heavy. If you’re experiencing sadness, frustration, loneliness, or guilt, remember you’re not alone. Many of us navigate similar challenges. Your boundaries matter. Your safety matters. And you deserve to experience the holidays in a way that feels affirming and emotionally safe.
Sources
- American Psychological Association — LGBTQ+ Stress & Mental Health
- The Trevor Project — 2023 U.S. LGBTQ Mental Health Survey
- Human Rights Campaign — LGBTQ+ Family Acceptance Research
- National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
- PFLAG National — LGBTQ+ Support Resources
